insecurities

flawed and fabulous (i guess)

Prompt: “What would it feel like to bring even 10 percent more awareness to your insecurities?”

I’ve always wondered if everyone has insecurities—or if some people had them but don’t anymore and live in remission: INSECURITY SURVIVORS. People who smile at their reflection and don’t notice certain details that used to bother them, or those who have cast away self-judgment, never to look back. And not to say they are perfect now, but I imagine them free of complexes and distorted self-perceptions.

Unfortunately, I know the answer: no such person exists. If someone claims they don’t have insecurities, that indicates insecurity within itself. Deep down, I know you can’t eradicate, only tolerate, insecurities. They don’t go away but lie dormant to allow daily function. 

And sometimes I wonder what it would be like to bring more awareness to mine and force them sunward. If I brought them out and #didthework, maybe I could live instead of exist. How would it feel to face off with them? 

Scary is the first answer – there is a reason I keep my insecurities in the basement. I’m afraid I couldn’t handle them when they’re upright, hungry, and rambunctious. At times, it’s hard to think of myself as anything but a collection of neuroses instead of realizing there’s probably just a mainstem that has branched into streams.

I’m afraid of my rage when I uncover their origin; because, trust me, I don't need to be a psychologist to know most were given to me like a flaming dog turd left on the porch of a troublesome neighbor. I didn’t ask for insecurities – nor could I generate them. They came from others or a moment or situation: here, take this and put it on your back, young one.

Or maybe instead of squaring off with them, the solution could be choosing a new mentality: not wasting another day enraged over something that won't change anytime soon – a physical feature, an unlikeable trait or a controversial opinion. By saying, “Enough” or “Okay, that’s true, and I’m fine with that,” – the insecurity shrinks and gets quiet. Starved of its water supply, it can’t do much more.

— M