Silver zaddy's
Why dating older is cute...until it isn't
This isn’t a normal overshare; it’s more of a cautionary tale. I want to discuss age-gap relationships. I don't mean a few years apart – I’m talking LDR-esque, pussy-like-Cherry Cola, silver zaddy territory – and why they’re a terrible idea.
For context, I dated a 55-year-old when I was 20.
Okay, so now that you’ve recovered, the answer is yes: I had lost my fucking mind. What started as, “Yeah, you can buy me a drink,” became a crash course on power dynamics. 🥴
I’mma start strong here: having a Daddy is not fucking cute. Yes, it can be fun playing #grownup, aka doing all the risky Lolita shit of movies, but I'm begging you: get a piercing, buy porn in a hotel room, get a tramp stamp…but do not fraternize with men a generation older than you! There is a reason why age gaps do not work and only lead to misery for both parties. You want to know why? Here we go.
He’s smarter than you, bro
Any man older than 45 knows more than you do. This isn’t patriarchy, sexism, or not taking street smarts into account; this is just a fact. Close your eyes and try to imagine everything that you’ve ever done. Now, multiply those moments, thoughts, pains, lessons, successes, challenges, laughs, and cups of coffee by two. No matter how much of an old soul you think you are, you cannot outsmart someone with more life experience. Because of knowing more, he can easily manipulate you.
Let’s explore what this looks like. Examples of mental manipulation:
Telling you that you’re mature for your age so he can treat you like a grown-ass woman, which means demanding the labor of an emotionally equal partner without accounting for the fact that you’re a literal fucking child (developmentally) and have no idea what you’re doing, and will be a different human in 5 years.
Anything related to money. If you are not making more money than your silver daddy, he’s in control.
If you’re really young (<25), you’ve probably had few relationships, meaning he can behave how he wants because he sets the bar, and you won’t know any better.
The Help
Imagine the relationship DOES work out long-term. Now, picture being someone’s LIVE-IN NURSE being the UPSIDE of the story, while burying him in 15-20 years being the likely outcome. Do you want to wipe his ass? How about paying for home healthcare? What about deciding to put him in a nursing home? Sure, all committed couples technically sign up to take care of their partner if they become disabled or terminally ill – but those responsibilities will be harder to accept if you’re still young and want to be carefree.
Lonely by Akon
When my silver zaddy told me he wasn’t the “last stop” in my dating life, I didn't want to listen because I was in love or whatever. I called myself committed to the long haul without knowing how long the long haul really was. I thought our later years would arrive in a jiffy, and I looked forward to bragging about our unconventional love story. BAHAHA. We lasted a few years before I grew tired of the dynamic because that's how it goes. When you're young and hot — you’ll eventually want someone young and hot. You’ll move on, leaving zaddy in the dust to quite literally die alone while you run off with an age-appropriate suitor to play sweet suburban house.
The Worst Trade Deal in History
But here’s the real kicker: you’re basically a trophy wife in training. It’s a trade-off: your youth and beauty for his bank account. He’s getting the arm candy, and you’re getting the luxury – but at what cost? You’re essentially being valued for your looks while you’re supposed to be grateful for financial security. Spoiler: that’s not a partnership; that’s a transaction. You end up chasing an impossible standard while he sits back, wallet in hand, thinking he’s won.
IN CONCLUSION: dating someone your dad's age isn’t as romantic as it’s cracked up to be. It’s exhausting. Save yourself the hassle and emotional labor and find someone who sees you as an equal. Your future self will thank you! (*mic drop* 🎤)
— M